Funny Short Stories
…because good jokes don’t have to be short!
Tired from all the short jokes around? Guess what – funny short stories can be just as good. They’re longer – but they are surely no less hilarious!
I have a proof to back my words – namely, my collection of short funny stories. I’ve gathered them here and there – and every time I found one I couldn’t stop laughing for quite a while – and that’s why they’re here. Anyways, let’s skip all the chit chat – and read some of these gems!
Magic Frog
Once upon a time there was a man with a 25 inch penis.
Any guy would be excited to have such a big organ, but this man was not.
So one day his friend told him about a witch who could help him.
The next day a man visited the witch.
After telling the witch his problems she asked to see his penis.
After looking at it, she thought for awhile and finally came up with an answer.
“Go into the woods and find a frog.
Ask itto marry you and each time it says no, your weapon will shrink 5 inches.”
The man quickly ran to the woods.
After searching for an hour he finally found a frog.
He ran up to it and asked it to marry him.
“NO Thank You” the frog said.
The man looked down and watched his penis go from 25 inches to 20.
The man asked the frog two more times, and again, it replied no.
Once he was at 15 inches he thought 10 inches would be perfect, so he went up to the frog and asked it to marry him.
The frog replied.
“How many times do I have to tell you…. NO, NO, AND NO!!!!”
I absolutely loved this one. Poor, poor fella! I hope he can do well with a 5-inch penis! Anyways, here’s some more funny short stories!
Two Blind Pilots
Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one
is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a
cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit,
the door closes, and the engines start roaring.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical
joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and
the people sitting in the window seats finally understand they’re headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will
plough in to the water, the passengers scream in panic. At that moment, the
plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little, and soon all retreat into
their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the
cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"you know, Jim, one
of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re gonna friggin’ crash!"
Police Story
The policeman had the bar under surveillance several minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.The first one out the door at 2:00 o’clock
walked down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.
Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.
Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their
vehicles and driven away, leaving this one fellow alone in the parking lot.
Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away. Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.
The cop asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, “How can this be?”
To which the man replied, “Because tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”
These funny short stories can give you good ideas, don’t you think? Here’s another bunch!
The Darn Stock Broker
A man goes up to a stock
broker says, "I want to open a so-and-so trading account!" Blanching, the lady
replies, "Excuse me, sir, what did you just say?" "Listen you,
stupid , I
said I want to open a trading account this instant!" "Pardon me, sir, but we do
not stand for that sort of talk in this institution!"
The stock broker leaves the desk and goes to her boss and tells him about her
predicament. They both come back to her desk where the boss asks the man, "Is
there a problem, sir?" "I don’t have a dang problem," the man says, "I just
inherited 100 million bucks and I want to open a so-and-so trading account with this
blankety-blank brokerage!"
"I
get the picture sir," the boss says, "and this stupid broker is causing you
a problem?"
200 Bucks
A guy goes over to his friend’s house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. " Hi, is
Jonny home?" " No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?" " No, come in!"
They sit down and the friend says
"You know Lora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I’d give you a
hundred bucks if I could just see one." Lora thinks about this for a second and
figures what the hell – a hundred bucks.
She opens her robe and shows one. He
promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a
while longer and Mike says "They are so beautiful I’ve got to see the both of
them. I’ll give you another 100$ if I could just see the both of them
together." Lora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and
gives Mike a nice long look.
Mike thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on
the table, and then says he can’t wait any longer and leaves. A while later John
arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Mike came over. "
John thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks
he owes me?"
Speaking of funny short stories ideas….Hmmm, now which one of my friends have a handsome wife??
Dear Mother…
Dear mom,I am writing you this note to say that I haven’t been honest to you lately.
I have a boyfriend, his name is Dragon and he lives in a trailer in the woods he wears biker clothes and deals
LSD.
I am moving in with him and I am four months pregnant.
His friends will come over all the time so I can get a little frisky with them.
We will make a living out of growing drugs and selling them to Dragon’s friends as are both already drug addicts, we will live a life of drugs beer and all the sex.
Wish us luck,
Jenny.
P.S.
I am at the neighbors house, all of the above was a lie. I just wanted to let you know there are worse things in life than my report card which is in the top drawer.
A Sad Story
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing
a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper. After a long day of meetings
they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they
would have to walk up 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Bill said to Jim
and Scott, let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on
something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs
for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way.
At the 26th
floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim
stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest
story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
I don’t know what I would do to that guy….But I would cry for sure! Anyways, here’s another load of funny short stories:
Catch a rabbit
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to
prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to
give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to
catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive
investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After
two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it,
including the rabbit, and they make no apologies because the rabbit had it coming.
The
LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear
is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!"
A Question Of Faith
A man was out hunting. He just happened to be
hunting bears. As he trudged through the forest looking for the beasts, he came
upon a large and steep hill.
Thinking that perhaps there would be bear on the
other side of the hill, he climbed up the steep incline and, just as he was
pulling himself up over the last outcropping of rocks, a huge bear met him nose
to nose.
The bear roared fiercely. The man was so scared that he lost his
balance and fell down the hill with the bear not far behind. As he tumbled down
the hill, the man lost his gun. When he finally stopped at the bottom, he found
that he had a broken leg.
Escape was impossible and so the man, who had never
been particularly religious (in fact this just happened to be a Sunday morning),
prayed, "God, if you will make this bear a Christian I will be happy with
whatever lot you give me for the rest of my life."
The bear was
no more than three feet away from the man when it stopped dead in its tracks…
looked up to the heavens quizzically… and then fell to its knees and prayed in
a loud voice, "O Lord, bless this meal of which I am about to partake!"
Be careful what you wish for….Want more funny short stories? Here-you-go!
The Story Of Four Sons
These four gents go out to play golf one sunny
morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing
their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son Jim," says one, "has
made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a
carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He’s so successful
in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as
a gift."
The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career
as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Mike’s so successful,
in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a
gift."
The third man’s son, Tony, has worked his way up through a stock
brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock
portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him
that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I’m not very pleased with how my son turned out," he
replies. "For 15 years, Chris has been a hairdresser, and I’ve just recently
discovered he’s gay.
However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he
does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two
cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
Well, that’s pretty much all for know. Yeah, I know, it’s not good enough – but you can submit more of really funny jokes right below, if you wish using the form. Feel free to send me the real life stories as well – they can be better than any fiction!
I hope to see you again soon – and it’s very well worth it because the site is constantly being updated – so don’t miss all the fun!
Cheers!
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